Monday, March 9, 2015

What would I go back and tell myself on diagnosis day?

If I could go back in time and talk to myself on the day we got Zoey's Diagnosis...what would I have told myself?

Everything has just happened So fast!
She had her 18 month check up in May, her Early Intervention Evaluation in June, and she was Diagnosed in August...All SO much SO fast! 

She has been getting EI since June, starting with ST, in October BI started, and OT in December, and PT will be monthly, along with her monthly assessment from her BT who specializes in Autism and oversees all things Zoey!

I'm not trained, I have no idea what I'm doing and many times I have said "I'm just winging it!" I'm a wife, and a Mom. I'm a Mom to "Z" and to her 3 year old sister "A" I try to have nightly dinners ready or almost ready as soon as my husband walks in the door, he works 6 days a week every week and so I like for him to have at least 1 good meal a day. My house is always clean because "A" has allergies that have given her severe eczema and asthma. I try to balance it all...daily therapies with "Z" making sure I spend enough quality/quantity time with both of my children and cleaning and cooking, most always multiple dinners because "Z" doesn't eat what we eat, not for a lack of trying, trust me I'm still trying.
So where do I fit in???

Good question!

My husband and I were approved for Respite and we have been out twice alone without the kids, each time I felt guilty for leaving them, I know...I know, I'm working on that!
But then that's still not just "Me time." I admit, I don't have it. I never scheduled that in to all of this. I'm working so hard to make sure that my husband and my 2 children are okay and happy, that I lost myself along the way. 

So, I'm going to tell you what the girls Pediatrician told me just last night, and how appropriate to be told something like this on New Years Eve...this coming from my children's Doctor, not my own Doctor...I never have the time to see my Doctor, God how I wish this Pediatrician was a Family Practitioner!!

We were talking about "A's" eczema flare up and "Z's eating and sleeping habits and she stopped me and said "You need to take care of you too you are doing everything for these girls and you won't be able to keep doing everything if you don't take care of yourself first!"

I explained that I just wanted to be doing everything that I possibly could for my children and that I was scared that "I'm not doing it right!"

She then said "You ARE doing it right and you ARE doing everything you can for them...but you need to do for you too, you won't be able to keep up if you don't take care of you"
And as always we finished our conversation with her telling me "We will get through this!"
And then she finished by giving me a much needed pep talk

"Look how early you got "Z" diagnosed, most kids don't get diagnosed that early. We will get "A's" eczema flare up under control, and we will just keep on working the Therapies with Zoey"

We said Happy New Year to each other and we hung up! 

After I got off the phone I let out the biggest sigh of relief, I felt as if I was finally given permission to do something that all the other Moms were doing that I was never able to do!
So, what would I say to myself on the day we got "Z's" diagnosis?

"It's okay, everything is going to be okay, not perfect like your brain thinks everything needs to be, so tell your OCD to calm down and take a break. Don't push yourself so hard and too fast that you lose yourself and who you are...yes, you are still a Wife and a Mother, but you are still You too, don't leave yourself out...and by the way

You Got This!"

© 2015
Melissa Cote 

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