Friday, April 24, 2015

Do not let anyone treat your child anything less than amazing

So, yesterday was a tough day. We had our 6 month review with Zoey's Neurologist which ended up really being 8 months, but okay!

I had to process the entire hour visit on the 2 hour car ride home, I cried all the way home out of frustration! 

Just because you have an MD after your name, that does not give you the right to talk right through me, talk over me, rush me out, and treat my child like a number from the deli line! He saw her for 1 hour, that's it! 1 hour. What I mean by that 1 hour appointment is how could he possibly know her progress by only seeing her in that 1 hour...without letting me talk and tell him her accomplishments. Just rude!  Zoey has ASD SPD GDD and OCD...I just wanted him to listen to me...she's made leaps and bounds...he didn't listen, he didn't care!

I was told she's made little progress and I was questioned as a parent on how I work with her. "Don't you listen and get instructions from the therapists on how to work with her weekly?" I felt judged as a parent. I showed him the video of her singing and tried to talk to him about all that she has done since he last saw her....he treated her like a statistic, while I wanted to talk about my child and her accomplishments.  He treated her like a label, she is NOT a statistic. She is a human being and so am I, how dare anyone treat us other than that!!

So No, I'm not happy! I'm not impressed! When did human compassion and caring for a patient get exchanged for..."Next!"

I was talked over, talked through, talked at and made to feel like I wasn't doing my job as a parent, and my child was nothing more than generic deli meat being passed back to me, with a "come back in 6 months."

I will not stand for this!!!

I've already made numerous phone calls and she will have a new Neurologist...WE as parents know our children, we see them everyday. I would NEVER say that she has made little progress...NEVER!!

Since EI started 10 months ago, Zoey can now:

*she looks us in the face
*She hugs me
*She sings
*She wants to be around us
*She has started wearing socks and shoes
*She can eat at the table with us
*She is scripting
*She is dancing
*She comes to me and pulls me saying "I want"
*She can count to 7
*She says "bye bye"

There are so many things that she's doing now that she's never done and it's Amazing!

She stopped saying anything, including babbling at 14 months old, she hid away, she was in her own world, and I missed her!!

I don't miss her anymore!! I'm getting her back everyday...that is progress, and it hasn't been slow...this kid is Amazing!! She will be 3 in 5 months and we will then transition her to a developmental pre k program. 

I refuse to have anyone treat her less than Amazing!

So I'm currently looking for a new Neurologist, one who cares, and won't treat her like a statistic and one who will listen to me and my concerns and answer my questions!!


© 2015
Melissa Cote

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Denial Sucks

I saw the signs at 14 months old but I would tell myself "No, I'm being ridiculous, she's my second child, of course she's going to be different."

I believed people when they told me that she would "catch up."

I thought she liked playing alone and was just becoming "shy."

"No, she's tired and she's just rocking herself to sleep, she's fine."

Denial. Denial. Denial.

Evaluations, Testing, and then Diagnosis Day! 

Denial sucks, because it hangs on tight and attaches itself to you long after you think it has left. 

Blame and Grief come hand in hand and they too rest somewhere inside you, and they make themselves  known just like Denial does...they creep up on you when you least expect them to. 

Intensive in Home Therapy started when she was 19 months old, the diagnosis was official when she was 21 months old. For 20 hours a week my home is not my home, it is a school for Zoey and for me. I sit down on the floor and I participate and learn from all of her 4 Specialists/Therapists...they are her teachers, and I became her Teacher, Advocate, Caretaker...Always her Mommy that loves her. 

Now here it comes....

I treated her like a fragile piece of fine china...a porcelain doll that I didn't want to break, because the Denial, Grief, and the Blame...oh how I Blamed myself! I let those emotions take over me and I treated her differently! 

I babied her, I let her get away with things that I would never let my 5 year old get away with...Why, I don't know? 

When Blame, Grief, and Denial attach themselves to you, they take over at times and you hear yourself say "She doesn't know any better...She can't help but throw that cup across the room...She doesn't understand the word No!" 

Oh but she does, she most definitely does!

Denial, Blame and had me, for a long time! 

Zoey is just like my 5 year old, she needs to hear the word "No" and she needs to be told "Get Down" and "Not Nice" She needs discipline and I wasn't doing that!

I treated her differently!

Behavior is speech and I didn't know that, I sure know it now!

My daughter's diagnosis has taught me that though she is "wired" or learns differently, she is not different and she is not a fragile porcelain doll that will break! I noticed that when I said "No!" she looked at me and smiled, as if to say

 "yup, I've been testing you this whole time...I'm busted!"

So, I'm different now, I'm a changed Mom. I see what and where I made mistakes and I'm working hard on fixing those mistakes, it's not easy but it's working! And now I'm learning whether or not she's testing me OR she really can't help it! 

So there's my confession, I'm not perfect! I sure did learn more about Autism from my child than I ever thought I would! 

© 2016
Melissa Cote
Life With Zoey