Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The beautiful ways my hopes and dreams changed for my nonverbalautistic child

When Zoey was diagnosed with Autism in August 2014 we were told that "there is no guarantee that she will ever speak."

I hang onto Hope, I cling to Hope, I wear Hope, I sleep and dream Hope, I breathe it in everyday and never release the Hope. It is a part of me! 

My child is a part of me too, she is a piece of my heart, she makes me want to be healthy, to fight for anything and everything she needs, she's made me into someone I never thought, or even dreamt I could be. 

I knew nothing about Autism! I didn't know the different severities, I didn't know that my child may never talk, I didn't know that she would not be able to communicate at all, I didn't know! 

What I did know...To never lose Hope, don't take the small things for granted, and that I love this child unconditionally with all of my heart...that I know! 

Of course I wanted to hear her say "Mama" and wanted her to hug me, and yes I was sad. I put the sadness away and focused on what she could do, she has made huge progress this last year with Early Intervention, and she has opened up to me and we have a bond that we didn't have before. I get hugs, she sits with me, she lets me rub her face, she shows me love without words. 

I was hoping for her to talk so that she would be less frustrated, instead we found a different way to communicate with each other. The funny thing about you really know or want what you say you are hoping for, I had Hope that she would speak so she could say "Mama" or "I love you" or at least tell me what she wanted or needed. My Hopes turned into something different...I Hoped for her to be happy, feel less frustrated, and to feel and know love. Those Hopes have come true! 

Then Hope just floats around like a bubble, it's there and airy and beautiful! Then without you asking, praying, or dreaming for just happens! I just make sure to capture that bubble before it pops and wait for the next one...because bubbles are Amazing! 

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