A letter to moms like me

"In case of emergency call..."

I get stumped by that question every time I see it. I always put my husband and his information down and I'm sad to say that I don't have a back up. 

I don't have anyone to talk to about how hard it is to be me, never mind how hard it is to be a mom, like me. I struggle with my own illnesses and disabilities, while raising 2 beautiful little girls, the youngest, also living with disabilities. 

I don't know what I'm doing, I've never been trained, and I'm scared every single day that I'm screwing it up. What I do, directly affects my children. The type of people that they will become rests in my hands, and that is a lot for one person to handle. 

I don't have anyone to come over my house and relieve me for a day, I don't even have anyone who could do it for an hour. My kids are with me 24/7 and I'm not exaggerating. 

My husband works hard, very hard to provide for us, and that means working 6 sometimes 7 days a week. Kinda funny, huh? He's my "in case of emergency call" person. I'm pretty sure I'm his too. It's also kinda scary because that's a lot to put on just one person. But, when that's all you got, that is literally all you got. 

There are no "hey let's take your kids for the night" moments, and there are no "why don't I watch the kids for you so that you guys can go out to eat."

There are appointments for me that I make and hope I can go to, and then feel so very badly when I have to call and reschedule, for like the fourth time. I sometines feel like the next time I have to reschedule that I'm going to be scolded by the receptionist or have them answer back saying "and what's your excuse this  time?"

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and then the addition of raising a child with special needs, well it's pretty stressful. it's nice to have support and family to help you out when you are in need of help or to just be there when you need to talk. It's nice to know that you're not alone and that your support system has your back. And if you have that, that's great and I'm happy for you. 

But, I'm gonna let you in on my deep dark secret that eats at me, I try not to let it, but I just can't help it. 

I'm kinda jealous! 

We have respite, but it's no where near enough, does anyone really ever get enough respite? 

We are extremely limited on who we can have care for both our children, we need to make sure that each child's needs are met and we have to have someone who is available, that's the hardest part. 

I really have to tip my hat to single mothers, military families, and families like ours with limited support and resources. This is not an easy job, and no one knows more than I do how hard you work. You give me strength and you show me that if you can do it, I can too! 

 I applaud you, I salute you, and I thank you. You're my back up "in case of emergency."

Just thought you should know!