Friday, June 12, 2015

Compassion can mean so much




I love my children...I have 2 beautiful little girls. My husband and I planned them to be close so that THEY would be close.

Our youngest, Zoey came earlier than expected, so instead of 18 months apart, they are 16 months apart, some would say..."that's not that big of a difference."

I had plans of them both being potty trained together or close to it, visions of them playing together and laughing and talking back and forth with each other and having conversations and witnessing their sisterly bond grow. Then they would go off to school and maybe have the same friends and stick up for each other when the other one needed protecting, fighting over clothes, boys, and make up...definitely clothes. 

My plan and my vision didn't quite happen that way. 

My oldest is 4 and Zoey will be 3 in 3 months. My oldest is potty trained, while Zoey is still in diapers and has to wear footed pajamas with the feet cut off, because if she were in regular clothes all day, well let's just say it's not pretty.  She strips right down, diaper and all and I would be mopping all day. 

There are no conversations between them, just my oldest saying "Mommy, Zoey did this, Zoey did that, Zoey won't get down, she's climbing!" 

My oldest goes to preschool while Zoey has therapies every day. My oldest will hold my hand and answer to her name and knows when I say "Stop, Danger, No, that she needs to stop and let me keep her safe. Zoey will not hold my hand, doesn't always answer to her name, and has no safety awareness at all. I literally have to carry my almost 3 year old or keep her in a stroller whenever we go out. When I would drop my oldest off at school in the morning it was a struggle. Where she would be ready in 10 minutes, Zoey took a half n hour...sometimes more. 

It was on one particular morning that I had struggled to get both girls into the car and off to bring my oldest to preschool, I'm not gonna lie I was sweating and out of breath and really dreading getting out of the car. I got out, had my oldest holding my hand and we walked over to get Zoey out of her car seat. I'm carrying Zoey and my oldest is holding my hand as we walk into the school for morning drop off. My oldest sticks to me like glue as Zoey is screaming, flailing, hitting, biting and kicking...I've got a good grip but she's heavy and I still have to sign my oldest in, get to her cubby, kiss her goodbye and wish her a good day. It was a mess! I manage to do all those things and Zoey manages to get out of my arms and starts darting through all the classrooms, my chase for her ensues. I scoop her up and she's not happy! Screaming, flailing, kicking, hitting, and biting I carry her out to the car. She then goes all stiff making it nearly impossible to get her into her car seat and buckled...but I've done this so many times before, I'm saying "Zoey, it's okay...you're okay...we're going home...bye bye!" as she aggressively resists. I finally get her in, turn around to see that my oldest was waving goodbye to me. I smiled the biggest smile with tears welling up in my eyes and I wave and yell "Have the best day baby, I love you!"

She headed out to the playground with a teacher and I took a deep breathe and headed to the drivers seat. Before I could even get in the car, my oldest' teacher came running out to me and I apologized and asked if my oldest was okay and she said that she had told her that she explained that Zoey was having a hard time and that everything was ok. 

I thanked her! 

We stood there, both of us with tears in our eyes and coming down our faces and she said to me "I know what it's like to have a child kick, hit, and bite...you did a great job!"

Again I thanked her as we both cried. 

She then said to me "From now on call inside and we will come out to get her so that it can be easier for all of you." 

I burst into tears as did she.

She told me "you're not alone, I can make drop offs easier for you...I see how hard you try and I want to help you...please let me help you!"

I shook my head yes as we cried at my car! 

Drop offs are MUCH easier now for everyone! 

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